if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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