I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
