There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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