Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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