Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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