I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
