Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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