I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
