I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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