i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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