you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
