eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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