Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
