im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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