I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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