dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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