I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
