Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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