if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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