Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
