she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
