Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
