Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
