dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
