there's paper in my vomit.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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