I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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