I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You can't just leave with hair like that
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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