If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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