boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
