I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
