he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
