Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
