So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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