awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
