people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
