I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
