i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
