all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
