I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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