pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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