I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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