why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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