...so i touched it.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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