I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
