Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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