Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
