I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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