I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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