need another drink. this is the easiest way
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
