I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
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