so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
