I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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