I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize