During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
