if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We had sex on a dog bed..
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
