May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize