all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
