It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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