I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
