Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
