I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize