he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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