If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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