my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
