i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you win again, gameday.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
