look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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