I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize