I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
