Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize